But Jane never complained.

Deety laid it on the line. I don't know who taught Deety to drive but I recall that she was driving, on roads as well as in the air, when she was twelve or thirteen. She had no occasion to drive for me until Jane's illness. There was a time after we lost Jane that Deety often drove for me. After a while we alternated. Then came a day when she was driving and I pointed out that her H-above-G was, oh, some figure less than a thousand meters, with a town ahead.

She said, "Thanks, Pop"-and grounded at that town, an unplanned stop. She switched off, got out, walked around and said, "Shove over, Pop. From now on, I'll enjoy the scenery while you herd us through the sky."

I didn't shove over, so Deety got into the back seat. Deety gets her stubbornness from both parents. Jane's was covered with marshmallow that concealed chrome steel; mine is covered with a coat of sullen anger if frustrated. But Deety's stubbornness isn't concealed. She has a sweet disposition but Torquemada could not force Deety to do that which she decided against.

For four hours we ignored each other. Then I turned around (intending to start an argument, I suppose-I was in the mood for one)-and Deety was asleep, curled up in the back seat.

I wrote a note, stuck it to the wind screen, left the keys, got quietly out, made sure all doors were locked, hired another car and drove home-by air; I was too angry to risk roading.

Instead of going straight home I went to the Commons to eat, and found Deety already eating. So I took my tray and joined her. She looked up, smiled, and greeted me: "Hello, Pop! How nice we ran into each other!" She opened her purse. "Here are your keys."

I took them. "Where is our car?"

"Your car, Pop. Where you left it."

"I left it?"

"You had the keys; you were in the front seat; you hold title. You left a passenger asleep in the back seat. Good thing she's over eighteen, isn't it?" She added, "There is an Opel duo I have my eye on. Tried it once; it's in good shape."

"We don't need two cars!"

"A matter of taste. Yours. And mine."

"We can't afford two cars."

"How would you know, Pop? I handle the money."

She did not buy the Opel. But she never again drove when we both were in our car.

Three data are not a statistical universe. But it appears that the three women I have loved most all consider me to be a back-seat driver. Jane never said so... but I realize today that she agreed with Deety andHilda.

I don't consider myself to be a back-seat driver! I don't yell "Look out!" or "Watch what you're doing!" But four eyes are better than two: Should not a passenger offer, simply as data, something the driver may not have seen? Criticism? Constructive criticism only and most sparingly and only to close friends

But I try to be self-honest; my opinion is not important in this. I must

convince Hilda and Deety, by deeds, not words. Long habit is not changed by mere good resolution; I must keep the matter at the top of my mind.

There was banging at the bulkhead; I realized that I had been asleep. The door opened a crack. "Lift in five minutes."

"Okay, Deety," Hilda answered. "Nice nap, beloved?"

"Yes indeed. Did you?"

As we crawled out, Deety said, "Starboard door is open; Pop's rifle is leaning against it, locked. Captain, you asked to be reminded. Shall I take the conn?"

"Yes, thank you."

We lost no time as Deety used two preprograms: Bingo Windsor, plus Gay Bounce. Zeb had the communication watch officer almost at once. "-very well. I will see if the Captain will take the message. No over. Hold."

Zeb looked around, ostentatiously counted ten seconds, then pointed at Hilda.

"Captain Burroughs speaking. Leftenant Bean?"

"Yes, yes! Oh, my word, I've been trying to reach you the past twenty minutes."

"It is still a few seconds short of the time I gave you."

'Nevertheless I am enormously relieved to hear your voice, Captain. I have a message from the Governor General. Are you ready to record?"

Zeb nodded; Hilda answered Yes; the lieutenant continued: "From the Governor General to H. C. Burroughs, Master Gay Deceiver.' Hurry home, the children are crying. We all miss you. The fatted calf is turning on the spit. That document is signed and sealed, including the additional clause. Signed:

"Bertie" Captain, that is the Governor's way of signing a message to an intimate friend. A signal honor, if I may say so."

"Gracious of him. Please tell the Governor General that I am ready to ground and will do so as soon as you tell me that the spot in which we were parked-the exact spot-is free of any obstruction whatever."

Bean was back in about three minutes saying that our spot was clear and would be kept so. Hilda nodded to Deety, who said, "Gay Parade Ground."

I had a flash of buildings fairly close, then we were back in the sky. Hilda snapped, "Chief Pilot, get Leftenant Bean!"

Then-"Mr. Bean! Our spot was not clear."

"It is now, Captain; I have just come from the parapet. The Governor's poodle got loose and ran out. The Governor chased him and brought him back. Could that have been it?"

"It decidedly was it. You may tell the Governor-privately-that never in battle has he been so close to death. Astrogator, take her down!"

"GayParadeGround!"

Bean must have heard the gasp, then cheers, while Hilda's words were still echoing in his radio shack. We were exactly as before, save that the wide, showy steps to the King-Emperor's residence on Mars were jammed with people: officers, soldiers, civil servants with that slightly dusty look, women with children, and a few dogs, all under restraint.

I didn't spot the Right Honourable "Bertie" until he moved toward us. He was no longer in mufti but in what I could call "service dress" or "undress"-

not a dress uniform-but dressy. Ribbons, piping, wound stripes, etc.-sword when appropriate. Since he was not wearing sword I interpreted our status as "honored guests" rather than "official visitors"-he was ready to jump either way.

He had his wife on his arm-another smart move, our captain being female. His aide (?-left shoulder "chicken guts" but possibly a unit decoration) was with him, too-no one else. The crowd stayed back.

Hilda said, "Chief Pilot-" then pointed to the mikes, drew her finger across her throat. Zeb said, "Outside audio is cold, Cap'n."

"Thank you, Gay, lock the bulkhead door, open your doors."

I jumped down and handed Hilda out, offered her my arm, while Zeb was doing the same with Deety portside. We met, four abreast at Gay's nose, continued moving forward a few paces and halted facing the Governor's party as they halted. It looked rehearsed but we had not even discussed it. This placed our ladies between us, with my tiny darling standing tall, opposite the Governor.

The aide boomed, "His Excellency Governor General the Lieutenant General the Right Honourable Herbert Evelyn James Smythe-Carstairs and Lady Herbert Evelyn James!"

The Governor grinned. "Dreadful," he said quietly, "but worse with ruffles, flourishes, and the Viceroy's March-I spared you that." He raised his voice, did not shout but it projected-and saluted Hilda. "Captain Burroughs! We bid you welcome!"

Hilda bowed, returning the salute. "Excellency... Lady Herbert... thank you! We are happy to be here."

Lady Herbert smiled at being included, and bobbed about two centimeters- a minimum curtsy, I suppose, but can't swear to it, as she was swathed in one of those dreadful garden-party-formal things-big hat, long skirt, long gloves. Hilda answered with a smile and a minimum bow.

"Permit me to present my companions," Hilda continued. "My family and also my crew. On my left my astrogator and second-in-command, our daughter Doctor D. T. Burroughs Carter, and on her left is her husband our son-in-law, my chief pilot, Doctor Zebadiah John Carter, Captain U.S. Aerospace Reserve." Deety dropped a curtsy as her name was mentioned, a 6-cm job, with spine straight. Zeb acknowledged his name with a slight bow.

Hilda turned her head and shoulders toward me. "It gives me more pride than I can express," she sang, her eyes and mouth smiling, her whole being speaking such serene happiness that it made me choke up, "to present our copilot, my husband Doctor Jacob Jeremiah Burroughs, Colonel of Ordnance

A.U.S,"

The Governor stepped forward quickly and held out his hand. "DoctoF, we are honored!" His handshake was firm.

I returned it in kind, saying in a nonprojecting voice, "Hilda should not have done that to me. Off campus, I'm 'Mister' to strangers and 'Jake' to my friends."

"I'm Bertie, Jake," he answered in his intimate voice, "other than on oc

casions when I can't avoid that string of goods wagons. Or I'll call you 'Doctor."

"You do and it's fifty lines." That made him laugh again.

"And I'm Betty, Jake," Lady Herbert said, in closing in. "Captain Burroughs, may I call you 'Hilda'?" (Was that a hiccup?)

"Call her 'Doctor," I suggested. "She told on the rest of us. How many doctorates do you hold, dear? Seven? Or eight?"

"After the first one, it no longer matters. Of course I'm 'Hilda,' Betty. But, Bertie, we have yet to meet the Brigadier."

I glanced at the tabs of the officer with the aiguillette and booming voice. Yes, A crown inboard and three pips- But when had Hilda learned British insignia? Many Americans can't read their own. I am ceasing to be surprised at how many facts can be stuffed into so small a space.

"Sorry. Friends, this is Brigadier Iver Hird-Jones. Squeaky finds things I lose and remembers things I forget."

"Ladies. Gentlemen. Charmed. Here is something you told me to remember, General." The Brigadier handed a sealed envelope to his boss.

"Ah, yes!" Smythe-Carstairs handed it to my wife. "The Keys to the City, Ma'am. Phrased as you specified, each of you nathed, and that third factor included. Signed by me for the Sovereign and carrying the Imperial seal."

"Your Excellency is most gracious," Hilda said formally, and turned toward Deety. "Astrogator."

"Aye, Captain." Deety placed it in her purse.

Our host looked surprised. "Jake, doesn't your wife have normal curiosity? She seems to have forgot my name, too."

Hilda protested, "I haven't forgotten your name, Bertie. It's an official matter; I treated it formally. I shall read it when I have leisure to open that envelope without damaging the flap seal. To you this is one of thousands of papers; to me it is a once-in-a-lifetime souvenir. If I sound impressed, it's because I am."

Lady Herbert said, "Don't flatter him, my deah." (Yes, she had had a couple.) "You'll turn his head, quite." She added, "Bertie, you're causing our guests to stand when we could be inside, sitting down."

"You're right, m'dear." Bertie looked longingly at Zeb's car.

Hilda played a trump. "Care to look inside, Bertie? Betty, you can sit down here; the captain's chair is comfortable. Will you do me the honor? Someday I'll tell my grandchildren that Lady Herbert sat in that very seat."

"What a charming thought!"

Hilda tried to catch my eye but I was a jump ahead of her, handing Lady Herbert in, making certain that she didn't miss the step, getting her turned around, making sure that she didn't sit down on belts. "If we were about to lift," I told her, while fastening the seat belt loosely (first, moving the buckle- she's Hilda's height but my thickness), "this safety belt would be fastened firmly."

"Oh, I wouldn't dare!"

"Gangway, Pop! Another customer." I got out of the way, and Deety installed Brigadier Hird-Jones in her seat. Deety said, "Pop, if you'll put the Governor

in your seat, Zebadiah will take his own and give his two-hour lecture on the care and feeding of spacecraft, while you and I and Hilda hang in the doorways and correct his errors."

"I'm only up to chapter four," Zeb said defensively. "Jake, make her quit picking on me."

"You're her husband; I'm merely her father. Bertie, I must ask one thing. Don't touch anything. This car is not shut down; it is ready to go, instantly."

"I'll be careful, Jake. But we're leaving the ladies standing. The Captain herself! This is not right."

Deety said, "Bertie, I don't want to sit down. This trip doesn't give me nearly the exercise I need."

"But I can't permit Captain Hilda to stand. Sit here and I'll stand." (I appreciated his gallantry but I could see an impasse coming: two people, each aware of her/his prerogatives and they conflicted.)

Hilda avoided it by something she had discovered in working out how to rig a double bed in the control compartment. Although pilots have separate seats, the passenger's seats are really one, built all the way across but separated by armrests... which could be removed with screwdriver and sweat.

I had eliminated sweat and screwdriver; a natural mechanic, such as Zeb, accumulates miscellaneous hardware. Those armrests could now be removed and clamped out of the way with butterfly nuts. Hilda started to do so; the Brigadier dismounted them once he saw what she was doing.

It was a snug fit, but Hird-Jones has trim hips and Hilda has the slimmest bottom in town (any town).

"An important feature," said Zeb, "of this design is a voice-controlled autopilot-"

XXVII

"Are you open to a bribe?"

Deety:

Zebadiah, for seventeen dull minutes, said nothing and said it very well. During that plethora of polysyllabic nullities, I was beginning to think that I would have to take Pop to a quiet spot and reason with him with a club- when Captain Auntie showed that she needed no help.

Pop had interrupted with: "Let me put it simply. What Zeb said is-"

"Copilot." Cap'n Hilda did not speak loudly but Pop should know that when she says "Copilot," she does not mean: "Jacob darling, this is your little wifey." Pop is a slow learner. But he can learn. Just drop an anvil on him.

"Yes, Hilda?" Aunt Hilda let the seconds creep past, never took her eyes off Pop. I was embarrassed; Pop isn't usually that slow-then the anvil hit. "Yes, Captain?"

"Please do not interrupt the Chief Pilot's presentation." Her tone was warm and sweet: I don't think our guests realized that Pop had just been courtmartialed, convicted, keelhauled, and restored to duty-on probation. But I knew it, Zeb knew it-Pop knew it. "Aye aye, Captain!"

I concluded that Captain Auntie never intended to stand outside. She had told me to offer my seat to Squeaky and had added, "Why don't you suggest to your father that he offer his to the Governor?" I don't need an anvil.

It was a foregone conclusion that Bertie would object to ladies having to stand while he sat. But if he had not, I feel certain that the Hillbilly would have held up proceedings until she was seated where she could watch everyone but our visitors could not watch her.

How tall was Machiavelli?

As they were climbing out the Brigadier was telling me that he understood how she was controlled-but how did she flap her wings?-and I answered that technical questions were best put to the Captain-I was unsurprised to hear Cap'n Auntie say, "Certainly, Bertie... if you don't mind being squeezed between Deety and me."

"Mind'? I should pay for the privilege!"

"Certainly you should," I agreed-the Hillbilly's eyes widened but she let me talk. "What am I offered to scrunch over?" I slapped myself where I'm widest. "Squeaky is a snake's hips-not me!"